Hello Blog Thing. I have never done this before, so it may take me a while to get into the swing of things. It is an interesting idea, to get everything that you are doing and are interested in out into the world. I have to say that I don't really care if anyone reads this, it is more of a cathartic release and a daily challenge for me. So, about me.
My name is Vaughan England, survivor of childbirth and generally a person. I like to breath and generally replace my dead cells in a continuous cycle so that I can live on this planet and experience the astonishing, blinding beauty of it all. Some people need more out of life, such as spirituality, or belief in mightier things. I however, only need to believe in myself and those I hold dear.
Yet, some days this is hard to do,or even understand how it can be done. I am, you see, a person who suffers from an extraordinarily frustrating condition known as "Extreme Depression." There will probably be times in this blog where I may ramble in some ridiculous way, but bear with me, I will come up for breath. There will also be days when my posts may seem unconsciously self-pitying, and almost disturbingly full of self loathing. I can guarantee you, that I will pull up and out of this. Some days will be full of light life and happiness. Fingers crossed the latter will be the one with the most entries.
My best friend that isn't my wife, I won't/can't mention his name, is currently serving in a particularly dangerous place, of which I will not say the name of. He is easily the one of the bravest people I have ever had the privilege of meeting, and growing up with. An amazing person.
Now, onto the most important part of my world. My beautiful wife, Ashley, who has stood by me in so very many awesome times, and through this current deep, dark time. I often try to be the best I can, but my condition often will drop me into being a very selfish, and, in my own view, quite a nasty person. I don't tell her enough how much I love and appreciate her, and I hope she one day knows just how much she changed me. I'm the not the best person in the world, but I try so hard, just for her. She's my Cheeky. This amazing bundle of beautiful things is an Information Services Librarian. She is also the most intelligent and caring person I have ever known. And I can say I have met a lot of people. The day she said she would marry me, my world stopped for a second. I suddenly had a panic that, holy shit, this beautiful girl has just said yes to marrying me. I worried that I wouldn't be able to be the best husband in the world. I know I'm not. Not yet. But one day, I will be the best. All because of her. Love isn't a big enough word for how I feel.
So then. Observations. Things that are happening in this microcosm that I call existence. I am trying to produce more art on a daily basis. Did I mention that? I am what some people call an artsit, and apparently I am good at what I do. I don't see it, but I am my own worst critic. I do a lot of doodling, try to keep my hand in. Not many finished works, but I do try to get some done. I also build miniatures and things from scratch. Occasionally some props and such. I get distracted easily also. Shiny video games destroy my time.
I have basically decided that, on the face of it, religion and politics are absolute bullshit, and if that offends anyone, just so you know, this is the ONLY time it will be mentioned. One small rant and it is done. Here goes.
In my mind, there is no God, Gods, or belief structure that is stronger than human will. We choose to be good or evil. We know from when we are young what is good or bad and we make those decisions. I couldn't care less what you believe, I just need to know that you are not a dick. If your a decent person, excellent. If you believe that a giant father figure from a 2000 year old document is the controlling influence in your life, I'm cool with that. It makes me sad that the complexity of life and the world around you isn't enough, that there has to be an "Intelligent Creator" behind it all. Anyway.
Politics. Wow. Just a bunch of people getting on all sorts of band wagons, about things they know nothing about. I have often said that, if someone wants to be a politician,they shouldn't be allowed to be. All they do is argue, point at each other, shout about someone fucking someone, and NOT GET ANYTHING DONE! I know I'm rambling, but this is the one time, so bear with me if you can. If not, go watch kittens on Youtube. Or look at some mindless meme and think you're on a higher plane of existence because you think you understand it. Anyway, I have severe issues with anyone that thinks they know better than the general population about what they would like the world to be like. The world can be a horrible, dirty, biased and disgusting place, but that doesn't mean everything needs a leash. I am all for Law and general order of things, I know that we need people to protect us while we sleep, and people to officiate over various bodies of the infrastructure we have so bound ourselves to. ENOUGH! NO MORE POLITICS!
Now I'm going to wrap this up. Name, check. Important things in life right now, check. Belief structure, sort of check. I am off to be with my wife and eat dinner. Good night world. :)
